Who knew?

Today there was a surprise 60th birthday party for my ex-husband. It was hosted by his three kids -one being my daughter.

I sent Mandi with three kinds of cookies, pumpkin rolls, and a birthday card from me as a contribution to her dad's party.

So what's my problem? Why did "It was awesome. Will call you later", her response to my text of "Party over?" - make me cry?

Really I'm very happy my ex-husband had a surprise party with family and friends. I don't hate him, I don't have anything against him.

So why am I crying?

You don't have to be Freud, Jung, or Maslow to figure it out. The answer is simple. When I got divorced I never thought I would be single this long. I really believed after the divorce that I had found true, long-lasting love with someone else. But I was wrong. It ended. I'm still single and alone. And I can't figure out what I did to deserve it.

I don't mind the single, and I don't mind the alone...I mind being single AND alone.

Mostly I'm wondering if I'll ever have a 1st anniversary again, share a birthday with someone special, sit on the couch and cuddle with someone while watching a movie, laugh at silly jokes, pick up someone's skanky socks, and look at a toilet seat that's up.

I don't want to be the old woman in the house all the neighbor kids are afraid to Trick or Treat at!

Ok...I know you can't tell, but half an hour has elapsed from the time I typed the last sentence until I typed this one. The pity party has ended. I feel renewed hope that I won't be 100 years old and living with just as many cats in a spooky house with no electricity!